You Want To What ?

Sometimes, I wonder just what the hell is wrong with me. The other night I went out with my best lesbian friends, Lindsay and Kate. I'm happy to say that I'd introduced them and the rest, surprisingly had been history. Kate is a very quiet, studious Jewish girl with long wavy black hair, feminine in appearance but kind of mannish in mannerism. Lindsay is a tall, ex-military, red-headed/spiky-haired, southern Baptist girly-girl that both guys and girls seem to flirt with all the time. Then throw me into the middle of them and well, we always have a blast when we go out to some club, usually. Kate had excused herself to go to the bathroom, when Lindsay started making fun of a pack of white gay boys all dressed up like gang-bangers.

"Oh my God, I hate this fuckin' hick town. Who the hell ever heard of a gay bar playing rap music? " She motioned to the squirming hillbillies drunkenly trying to dance to LL Cool J.

"God, I so wish I was back in the fuckin' service!" Lindsay wailed.

Lindsay was getting wound up good on her favorite subject, how much this whole area sucks. That was the problem with getting out and seeing the world, it made it all the harder to come back to, well...this. Lindsay started again, "Haven't this fuckin' idiots ever heard of dance music ? Duh, hello, you morons...this is a fuckin' gay bar !"

Just then, I looked up to see Kate coming back across the room. Thank god, she seemed to be the only one that could get Lindsay off her, I Hate North Carolina rant. Just as I was about to look back down at Lindsay, I noticed a hot muscle guy by the bar slowly drinking a beer, let me clarify that, he was smoking hot, like could have been a model or a gay porn star and get this he was looking right at me and grinning from ear to ear. I quickly looked back down at the table and started talking again. I slyly looked back up and yep, he was still watching me. I looked over my shoulder to see who he was looking at, surely not me. I mean, this man could have anyone he wanted. I forget all about him until later that night and strolled into the men's room. There he was standing at a urinal, pissing and grinning over his shoulder at me. I hurried into a stall and locked the door. Weirdly, I'd felt the urge to smile back and ask if I could hold it for him. No kidding. I washed my hands and stepped back into the hall and right into him.

"Hello." He smiled and held out his hand, "I'm Jack."

"Hey, nice to meet you, Jack. I'm Ken."

"You know, I been trying not to stare at you all night, you're so hot..."

I swallowed back a laugh. He thinks I'm hot ? "We'll thanks, Jack. I have to confess that I've been ogling you too."

"Yeah ? " He straightens up, cheered by the news.

"Yeah." I say and start back down the hallway. I feel an arm going around my waist and he pulls me back into him and shudders, yes, he shudders in delight. "God, I want to make love to you, worship you, lick you from head to toe..."

I wouldn't have minded that either but I've always been weary of guys that come on too strong, too soon and spout sugar-covered words at me. I struggled not to snicker at this line straight from a Christine Feehan novel. I mean, what the hell does this muscle god want with me ? I'm just plain, skinny Ken. I barely pass as "cute". I can hear Brock in my head saying, "Dumb ass, go for it. He's hot and I bet he has a big dick !"

I make the excuse that I'm with friends and that they'd be upset if I went off with a stranger and left him there in the hall with a sad look on his face and yes, a bulge in his pants. This all makes me wonder just how low my self esteem must be because that I couldn't accept and believe that a smoking hot guy was totally smitten with me and wanted to make love to me and lick me from head to toe ( his words) all night long. Maybe it's not a self esteem issue, maybe it's because I'm just not into one-nighters so much, anymore. No, not because I'm some sort of highly moral person. One night stands just leave me feeling, blue and blah. Now if you're the type that will curl up on the couch and eat a bowl of cereal with me while we watch cartoons the next morning, let's talk.