Monday, January 12, 2009

I Am The Gay Vampire

No, I haven't flipped. Can you at least put off your call to the men in white coats for just a second? I can explain, I think. No, I didn't turn into one of those crazy, black-wearing Goth kids that hang out in graveyards or coffee shops that file their teeth into perfect little points so they'll resemble vampire fangs. I'm just plain out fuckin' crazy.

Let me back up. I'm horny and extremely sexually frustrated. Let me rephrase that, I’M SO FUCKIN’ HORNY I FEAR I’M GOING TO EXPLODE. I'll get back to the vampire theme of this post in just a moment.

Being a single, gay man in a small town in the rolling foothills of North Carolina, truly sucks and no, not in the good way. Before you start email me that surely there must be some gay men nearby or that I should drive into nearest large city or better yet, I should masturbate more 'cause that would take the edge off, let me explain a few things. Yes, there are some gay men around here, but the pickings are slim. I’ve met some of the local guys for coffee but often they're butt ugly, have a problem with my HIV status , are total self-loathing “straight-acting” hicks , they're big old bottoms, they're bi or they already have a boyfriend and they're looking for a little strange. I know... Waah, waah, waah. You must be balling your eyes out by now. I just described the problems single gay men all over the world face. And before I go any further, if anyone emails me that oh so sickly sweet sage advice that I merely need to stop looking for a man and that's exactly when I'll find the one ('cause that's exactly what happened to you), I'll hunt you down and kill you. Well, not actually kill you, more like the gay version of death. I'll tie you to a chair, crank up the latest Bruce Springsteen cd and force you to watch Nascar or one of those fishing show until your brain explodes.

Charlotte is the largest city near me, about 35 miles up I-85 from me. I could drive to Charlotte to hook-up with guys from Manhunt.Net, but after getting sexually assaulted one night by a guy I met off of Gay.Com and barely getting away from the guy before he ripped me apart, I'm not so keen on going over to somebody’s house I’ve never met to just fuck. Guys listen to your intuition on these matters! I was getting bad vibes off this guy (that he liked things a little rough), but he was very hot and very persistent and I, well… I was very horny like I am now, so I ignored my intuition and went to his house anyhow. If I go to a guy’s house now, I have to know him or at least have met him out somewhere so we can talk first.

And yes, I could jack-off more. But, you have to admit that jacking off is kinda boring when you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want the real thing.

So, in essence, I go for long periods of time without having sex. Until it comes to this about two times a year. I get so crazy horny it’s like being possessed by some fuckin’ animal. Girls, you don't know how lucky you are not to be cursed with the libido of a man. I constant look at nude photos online (love, watch homemade porn on X-tube non-stop and wonder if every guy I pass in the street has a big dick, small dick, uncut dick, stinky dick etc...

So, maybe you should call the guys in the white coats, I'm a shaking, trembling wreck right now and near tears. See, it really is like being a vampire. The vampire can go a while between feedings, but if he denied himself the vital blood for to long, he will soon go mad and die. No, no one’s ever died from being really horny, but you never know, I just might be the first.

Something that happened one New Year’s Eve when Scott and me were still together and just first dating comes to mind right now. We went out to Scorpios (Charlotte’s oldest gay bar) to the big New Year’s bash they were putting on that year. I remember that it was unseasonably warm and we were sitting outside on the patio with no jackets on just drinking and drinking and then drinking some more. We were drunk. A really huge, ugly guy (imagine Andre The Giant in greasy overalls) came outside and sat near us, Scott drunkenly stage-whispered to me that he was going to go tell him that I wanted to suck his dick if I didn't’ agree to move in with him. I play smacked him in the face. You know… that thing you do where you act like you're going to slap somebody in the face but stop just short of actually hitting him or her and barely pat their cheek instead. Well, the shit hit the fan; to Scott there was no “play” about it. He really truly felt that I'd slapped him in the face right there in front of God and everybody. He went on and on about how he couldn't believe I'd ever use physical violence against him and that I should go to canceling for spousal abuse (Scott always was such a drama queen). If you know me you'd laugh. I'm the least violent person in the world. I'd be much more likely to sit you down and give you a killer home perm and crochet you a toilet paper cozy than actually hit you. Yes, I was in tons of fights in school, but I never started them. Finally, I got Scott calmed down and we kissed and made up, kinda. While Scott said he forgave me, it would take him a while to get over being abused by his boyfriend.

The bitch cut me off and took every opportunity to walk around the house naked, his fat cock swinging in my face constantly. I could kiss him but my hand wasn't allowed below his waist. About a week and a half of this, I was ready for the nut house. The straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back was the afternoon he laid down beside me on the bed and said just because we weren't having sex, didn't mean he couldn't take care of himself and preceded to jack himself to a huge climax all over his belly as I looked on, disbelieving. I burst into tears of frustration and got up to leave the room quickly. I guess this was what he’d been waiting on, to utterly break me. He truly forgave me this time and we started up having sex again at least once a day like before the New Year’s incident. My friends always ask me why I put up with this, My answer is that I loved him and I felt horribly guilty because he believed I'd truly struck him in the face.

I don’t know, I think it might be worse for guys that were in long-term relationships at one time. You have this person you love (well, you should), that you can have sex with anytime the two of you are in the mood. Then suddenly, you’re single. Your source of all things sexual is gone and unless you go to strangers for it (and we all have), what are you going to do? You go a little mad like me.

If you're a single, attractive top (or at least versatile) and would like to donate your stud services to a worthy cause (me), send an email & nude photo. Just joking… yeah, right, I’m joking…

1 comment:

bodie said...

You, my friend, are a gifted writer. I know your situation, having lived it myself. I am bookmarking your blog and intend to keep reading.