Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Man Squeals In The Night

No, it ain't what you think...

Yesterday Dax and I were just sitting around his house, bored. We were full of fried chicken & tater salad, we'd talked about everybody we hated and two of his huge, homemade margaritas didn't help either, as my mama would say, I was full as a tick and justa 'bout ready to drop off when a sudden idea came to mind.

"Hey, we haven't looked at personal sites together in a long time! "

This is something that almost all single friends play sometime (or they should). You get yourself a fresh drink, pull another chair up to the laptop/computer and start going through personal sites together, critiquing (mainly) or drooling over the men. It's a wonderful way to kill several hours.

One thing became very apparent when we were looking at the guys on BIGMUSCLE.COM. Dax liked the guys that looked like male models, fitness models or porn stars. You know the type: perfect hair, tanned, six-pack, porcelain veneers, muscle boobs, usually shaved hairless and of course, blue eyes. Oh and if they happen to have included a nude pic in their profile, a huge wiener just seals the deal for him.

Dax just rolled his eyes and said, “So?” when I argued that guys like that are terribly vain and shallow and probably jerk off to their own reflection, besides.

“So? just as long as he lets me watch…” Dax said.

I rolled my eyes this time, “Do you want a guy that acts like he’s doing you a favor by letting you suck his dick?”

“Hey, as long as he let me suck it, I wouldn’t care.”

“You are such a whore.” I muttered and clicked off BIGMUSCLE.COM.

Now me, I ain’t going to lie and say I don’t like a handsome man and that I’d go out with somebody that had been clobbered by the ugly-stick. But I’ll tell you what; I’m 99% more likely to be drawn to a sweet face and attitude any day than somebody that looks like they could star in gay porn. I like the kind of guy that walks around the house in his underwear (not nude), the kind of guy that doesn’t fix his hair until he’s actually ready to leave the house and the kind of guy that would squeal like a 13-year-old girl if I happened to sneak up on him and gave him a belly-blaster (where you put your mouth of somebody’s stomach and blow hard making loud farting-like noises).There's something about a squirming, giggling (he) man that's so endearing.

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