Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Where I Wuz

Several of you have written and wanted to know where I was and why Adventures In Gay Dating hadn't been touched in a while. So... You guys know I try to keep this blog funny, bitchy, tongue-in-cheek and above all...GAY AS Hell, but sometimes you have to get serious (Lifetime movie moment) and speak from the heart.

About 6 months ago, I started to notice a general decline in my health. Nothing too serious at first, just feeling achy & tense with a constant sore throat. Oh, and I almost forgot, I started breaking out in hives often. I blamed it on my washing powder and switched to that new Tide Free and the hives stopped, thankfully. Two months later, my arms and hands broke out in this horrible (It was ugly, I kid you not) rash that no over-the- counter salve or lotion would cure. So, I called up my doctor and made an appointment to see him.

Have I ever said how much I hate going to the doctor and all things medical? I'm one of those people that almost always has a panic attack or a bout of stress-induced, explosive diarrhea while sitting in the waiting room. I've tried to figure it out for years; I mean, my doctor is sweet, gay and funny as hell, so why am I terrified of going to see him? I think it must be the fear of the unknown.

So, it’s no surprise that it had been a year and a half since I'd last seen a doctor and had blood-work done (not good if you're HIV positive like I am). I know, stupid, stupid... So, to make a long story short, my decline in health and the horrible rash covering my arms & hands was due to the fact that somewhere along the line, the HIV cocktail of drugs I had been on since 2003 had just stopped working an I was “SICK” now. My T-cell count is 14. Oh, I now have cancer as well. It hasn't been an easy road, the last few months. Running around to different doctors, having to tell them my life story over & over, being poked over and having to go through three biopsies. The doctors all tell me the same thing, the cancer is HIV-related and that when my T-cell count rises, it’ll take care of my cancer, meaning my body will fight it off. So, I should be okay. I’m on battery of new medicines now and let me tell you, I almost need a calculator to keep up with them.

A week ago, I had a severe reaction to a injection my doctor gave me and ended up at the emergency room over night (whole body turned beet-red and fever of 105). One good thing though, the emergency room doctor was smokin' hot , gay and very concerned that I was about to conk out on him (so, not all bad). He was totally pissed about my doctor giving me that injection without checking to see if I was allergic first and took me off one of the prescriptions I was already on. I've been on a medical leave-of-absence from work for the past three weeks, so all I really do is kinda just hang around the house, check Facebook, catch up on chores I normally don't have time for because I work so much and whacking off to internet porn (See, I am getting better…LOL).

When you're really, truly sick and thinking you might die, sex is the last thing on your mind. You also start thinking about your life and just how meaningful if is. Will people miss you when you kick the bucket? Have I been a good person and helped people? Who will show up at my wake ?Those sorts of questions do roll through your mind. And yes, you make promises to God too; if he'll just heal you and give you some more time. That one, I tried not to go too crazy on. Better to not to make any promises to God in the first place, than to make them and not keep them. I just vowed to join some sort of cause (maybe something HIV or cancer-related) to help people and maybe share my story with them.

So, that’s where I've been. I warned you, not a pretty story. I'm coming back soon with my usual smart-ass stuff. In fact, I'm working on a piece about how I really feel about PA’s (Prince Albert’s). Watch out!

P. S. I finally got rid of that nasty rash on my arms & hands.



Chris said...

I sort of did the same thing... I thought I was just becoming lactose intolerant. It sucked not being able to have milk. Then I go to the doctor and find I'm in my teens - oops. Two months after I start meds I'm pigging out on milk, ice cream and pizza. ugh.

Aaron said...

Hang in there!