I've been in an odd mood lately and I think too much. I sort of miss the old days when I silenced my churning mind with booze. To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure why I do this blog at times, but hell, it's cheaper than therapy, ya know. I guess I mainly do it to reach out and let people know that they are not the only one that's ever thought that thought or had that particular feeling. You know, you are not alone and all that bull shit...
Who The Fuck Am I?
I'm the guy you pass in the ethnic food section at the grocery store, I'm the guy skating on the boardwalk, I'm a guy that doesn't mind subtitles, I'm the guy that swore he'd never smoke generic cigarettes, I'm the cute guy at the bar that would really appreciate being rescued from the troll that has him trapped in a corner, I'm the guy reading the Anne Rice novel at the laundromat, I'm the flip-flop wearing surfer dude at Magic Mountain, I'm the thin guy wearing the vintage pea coat in Central Park, I'm a guy that laughs through porno films, I’m the guy nervously tapping his foot in the doctor's waiting room, I'm a guy that special-ordered a Sarah Vaughan CD on his lunch break, I'm a guy that really hates bathhouses, I'm a guy that wants to get his eyes "done", I’m the guy being pulled down the street by a very unruly brown dog, I'm the guy that always averts his eyes first if you stare at him too long, I'm the guy at the beach picking up shells, I'm the blonde guy buying incense at the new-age bookstore, I'm the guy you see helping a lady friend pick out a dress for a Christmas party, I'm a guy with an accent you just can't quite put your finger on, I'm a guy that hates Ensure, I'm the guy that goes to P-Town during the winter, I'm the guy that looked a little sick on the ferry ride over to the island, I'm the guy that once found a pornographic letter his father had written to his mother, I'm a guy that prefers night swimming, I'm the guy pressing a cool cloth to your forehead after you hurl, I’m a guy that's likely to give you the silent treatment if he's pissed-off, I'm a guy that everyone swears is a top, I'm the extremely nervous guy sitting beside you on the plane, I'm the slim guy photographing the White House with a 40 year old Russian camera, I'm a guy that enjoys taking baths with his lover, I'm a guy that drinks too much coffee, I'm the guy that doesn't send out nude photos of himself on the internet, I'm the guy that used to date girls, I'm a guy with an old soul, I'm a guy that often forgets to eat if he's busy or stressed out, I'm a guy with a green thumb, I'm the guy at the classic car show getting Miss November's autograph, I'm the guy that gets invited to orgies but never shows up, I'm a guy that once owned a Barbie doll, I’m a guy that takes matters of the heart very seriously, I'm a guy that may not answer e-mail for several days, I'm a guy that has a fantasy about having sex in the forest, I'm a guy that can't seem to buy into this modern notion that it's unrealistic to strive for monogamy within the confines of a relationship, I'm a guy that belongs to a Doris Day fan club, I'm a guy that gets so tired of taking his meds, I'm a guy that's secretly in love with JLO(shhhh!), I'm the guy that would refuse to take the Insta-Straight Pill (should it ever be invented), I'm a guy that would really like to have a VW Beatle, I'm the funny Meals On Wheels guy that stays until you finish everything on your tray (even those nasty Lima beans), I'm a guy that hates to have his balls squeezed, I'm a guy that looks better with a little weight on him, I'm the guy eating the stinky lox bagel beside on the train, I'm the skinny guy struggling with the weights at the gym, I'm a guy that melts when a handsome guy winks at him, I'm the guy that cried all through What Dreams May Come and The English Patient, I’m a guy that really wants to visit the UK and Greece, I'm a guy that likes to be needed, I'm a guy that used to worship Martha Stewart and Paula Deen, I'm a guy that once had a close call with an alligator on a golf course, I'm a guy that doesn't allow himself to be photographed unless he's happy, I'm a guy that would love to walk on the beach everyday, I'm a guy that loves a nice glass of wine @ sunset, I'm the guy buying the stack of old books at the antique mall, I'm a guy that's kind of grouchy in the morning, I'm a guy that likes other guys with hairy legs, I'm a guy that loves all animals, I'm a guy who's very first CD was Judy Garland-Live At Carnegie Hall, I'm a guy that likes to have sex at least once a day when he's in a relationship, I'm a guy that hates e-mails from other guys that include the line: “Too bad you live so far away from me!”, I'm a guy that would marry George Michael in a heartbeat, I'm the guy that always orders a beer even in the most exotic of settings, I'm a guy that's been in too many car accidents, I'm a guy that only wears underwear when he thinks he's going to get lucky (packages are fun to unwrap), I'm a guy that doesn't like crabby lesbians, I'm the guy that mails you cards (even for St. Patrick's Day), I'm a guy that tans slowly, I'm a guy that's been burned on E-bay, I'm a somewhat down-to-earth guy that happens to love expensive shoes, I’m a guy that believes in magic, I'm the guy at the tattoo parlor trying not to cry, I'm a guy that owns every episode of Beavis & Butthead on DVD, I'm the fevered AIDS patient in room 106, I'm a guy that would love to visit Roswell New Mexico and laugh at all the wackos, I'm a guy that wonders why hairy-backed troglodytes always go out in public shirtless, I'm a guy that's only done drag once, I'm a guy that once saw a ghost, I'm a guy that smoked his first joint at age 11, I'm a guy that's terrified of tornados, I'm a guy that wonders why guys with big dicks have attitudes, I'm the guy Grace Jones dry-humped during a concert, I'm the guy that shows up at your potluck with a smoked salmon terrine, I'm a guy that "got" religion for a couple of years, I'm a guy that loves to watch snow fall at night, I'm the oldest guy on the local soccer team, I'm a guy that used to listen to Mahalia Jackson albums over and over, I'm a guy that can be extremely emotional at times and lastly, I'm a guy that doesn't want die alone.
That's who I am, ya'll.
Luv ya, be good.