Saturday, October 24, 2009


Remember me telling you guys about a date I had with this deaf guy that lived near me about a month ago? Oh boy, have things got out of hand. Let me start at the beginning…

While looking through one of the personals sites, I saw the ad of a very cute little guy living in a town near me and get this, he was HIV positive just like me. Now you guys are probably thinking, big fat fuckin’ deal, so what. You have to remember where I live, western North Carolina (the hills, my dear), gay people can’t be openly gay, let alone openly gay and HIV positive. So, I was very excited indeed to have found this guy online. I dashed off a quick email and waited for him to reply. He emailed me back later that night and we became really good email & phone buddies right away. During this time I learned that we was deaf, so we could only exchange text messages on the phone. Deaf? No biggie and not a problem, if I like someone, I like him no matter what, ya know. Yeah, perhaps I do suffer a bit from the rose-tinted glasses syndrome but that's just me.

So, finally we decided to meet up and go out to dinner. We met at a little Mexican restaurant in his town and talked (well, wrote notes back and forth on a legal pad since I don’t know any ASL) all evening and a good time was had by all. At the end of the evening, I kissed him on the cheek and went my way. I thought he was really nice and cute but we both needed more time to get to know each other if anything further was going to happen.

We continued to talk online and by text message for the next several weeks and things were good but I began to notice a bad trait of his. He’s was one of those guys that:

*Has you buddy listed and knows every second you’re online

*He pounces of you the minute you sign in and wants to talk for hours by instant-messenger

*He totally freaks if you don’t answer his IM’s or emails and starts feeling sorry for himself because he’s deaf and HIV positive and nobody loves him, etc…

It became a battle between us to see if I could click the “away from computer” message button before he started the flow of IM’s (usually I lost). So, this guy went from being a cute, sweet guy that I could have fallen in love with into a total needy pain-in-the-ass. Girls, let me tell you, I don’t do “needy” and I don’t stand for no smothering, either. It tends to make me loose interest real quick!

Well, it should have been no surprise that one day he sends me this email about the fact that since he’s all alone and no one really cares if he lives or dies, he seldom if never takes his HIV meds. Well, ladies this hits close to home, so I had a decision to make. Do I act all Dr. Phil and take his hand and go:

“Uh huh, uh huh, tell me about it, girl. What we have here is a lack of…” (Actually, I’d have to write it down on a legal pad or put it in an email, ya know)

Should I be tough and take his hand and yank him out of that little pity party he’s throwing himself? Ya'll know how I roll, so I chose the latter. I went to his house and read him the riot act about not loving himself and about how he has to live for himself and not others and told him in great detail about all the dangers of having untreated HIV/AIDS (Lord, knows what t-cell count was). This seemed to work but it matters worse between us. I suppose he thought that since I was so “real” with him, it meant we were boyfriends or something. Hmm, we went out once and I kissed him on the cheek, so now we should be registering household items at the Target?

He began to full-fledge cyber stalk me now. Even if I put my “away from computer” message on, he’d still IM me non-stop and send pleading, whiny emails about 1 every minute. I finally had to have a little talk with myself:

Q-Does this man add anything positive to your life?

A-Hell, no

Q-How does this man make you feel?

A-Hounded, annoyed, paranoid

Q-Can you help this man any further?

A-I truly feel that I’ve done what I could but he needs more help than I can possibly deliver.

So, I’ve blocked him from my email, instant-messenger and sending text messages to my phone. It’s been mercifully quiet here and I fuckin’ love it. I feel horrible about it but I just can’t have that in my life. THANK GOD, he doesn't know where I live or work !

Anyhow, that’s been my week. Ya’ll be good and watch who you IM, okay.



Thats very sad but he does sound as if he does need professional help to the max.

Geoff said...

Wow I'm sorry you had to go through that! I've experienced 2 or 3 people like that, and one escalated to him finding out where I worked and actually calling my boss. Be careful indeed.

SteveA said...

Usually on a date "where one works" and "lives" are prime topics - thank goodness this did not come out.