Tuesday, November 24, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You, Miss Thang

I need to learn to take my own advice. I’m constantly preachin’ to my friends about taking everything with a grain of salt when it comes to meeting a guy online. So, why am I not heeding my own advice and getting so frustrated and upset with the whole goddamn thing?

I like to fancy myself very discerning when it comes to knowing which guys are worth all the time and effort and all phone calls, emails, text-messages that it takes to get to know them before you actually meet in the flesh. Well folks, I’m here to tell you that I’m not so smart after all.

Two recent scenarios:

#1: A really nice, midwestern guy that just moved to North Carolina started emailing me several months ago. On paper this guy appears to be everything I could ever want in a man. He’s the right age, he’s intelligent, he’s very masculine, he’s cute as hell, he’s an animal lover, he’s a top and he’s also HIV positive (though, that’s not a “must-have” for me. If you’re poz, it’s just easier if the other person is too). We talk on the phone for hours and we both like what we hear. After two weeks he invited me to spend the weekend with him. I feel really good about this, so I ask off from work and book myself a motel room in his town (3 hours away on the eastern side of the state, I’m on the western side in Hickory). A motel room? Yes, you don’t think I’d actually agree to spend a weekend in a person’s house that I’d never met? I mean, I might get there and everything is so great and wonderful that I’d just say, “Fuck, this motel. Let me pack my lime green thong and grab my industrial-size bottle of WET. I’m coming to your place right now, stud!” But ya never know, ya know.

Anyway, back to the story… He drops off the face of the earth a week before this meeting is to take place. Doesn’t answer emails, phone number doesn’t work anymore and won’t talk to me on Yahoo Messenger (though I plainly see that he’s online and changing his status daily). So, I just sort of shrug my shoulder and go “Oh well” and forget his trifling ass. Last week he suddenly decided he was going to talk to me again and started sending me messages on Yahoo. He tells me this story about how the reason I had not heard from him is that he had been laying back and waiting for me to make the first move. WTF!!!! What did he think I was doing, playing tiddlywinks? And oh yeah, he gave me new phone number. God I’m stupid, I so believed in this guy… he suckered me into agreeing to ask off for another weekend so we could meet. I did just that and thank God my boss said no (I could have hugged him). The guy has dropped off the face of the earth again except for the occasional gooey text-message.

to sum it upextremely fickle, probably playing the field and had scheduling conflicts, full of shit, insincere

#2: Frank was a customer of mine that I had waited on some 6 months earlier. I remember the night he came in the store, I guess because he kept rubbing his crotch suggestively the whole time we were talking (what can I say, I’m a nasty bitch sometimes) and he was kinda cute plus we both have a common interest in classic cars. He had a ’40 LaSalle and was looking for a book on early Cadillacs. We exchanged phone numbers and I never heard from him again until last month. He started calling (I didn’t question where he’d been) and we quickly grew to like one another. He was very Southern and had this cute, slow southern drawl like something you’d hear in a movie. We made a date to go out to dinner one night after I got off work, he was to swing by and pick me up. It got later and later and still no Frank. Finally I received a voice message on my cell that he had to work late and that he’d come by the next night after work and take me out to dinner and movie. Ya’ll, he didn’t show up again and didn’t even call this time. When I got home, he was already on Manhunt trolling for butt. He sent me this weird message about how he was intimidated by my “looks” and was too scared to go out with me for fear I’d reject him and he just couldn’t handle that right now. Now folks, what kind of bullshit is that? I mean, come da fuck on. What a mess this man is!

to sum it up: low self-esteem, insecure, just plain rude (for making dates he didn’t keep), immature, full of shit and riddled with relationship “issues”

Guys, I’ll say it again. If a guy is truly into you:

*he’ll call when he’s suppose to without any arm twisting on your part

*he’ll show up for your dates on time or even early

*he’ll answer your emails or text-messages in a timely manner

*he’ll do some of the “work”. Your days of making all the phone calls, sending all the email/texts and planning all the dates are over.

Read Greg Behrendt’s essential book to understanding guys and the world of dating:

He’s Just Not that Into You

Ain’t that the truth, honey... Ya’ll be good and call when you say you gonna call and when you make a date, keep it, ok. Don’t make me cut you.


Ryan O said...

I know exactly where you are coming from. It seems an disorder that men the world over suffer from. I was once in a relationship with a guy that I me online and everything was going fine for the first few months then all of a sudden he dropped off the face of the earth. Weeks went by and he tried saying he had been in hospital having an op that he forgot to tell me about??? Then after a few days he dissapeared again and after a bit of digging I found out that he was engaged with a baby, and I was his bit on the side!! I waved goodbye to that one pretty sharpish. The downside to that though was that after a few months I had fallen in love with the guy and become really invested in the relationship. You live, you learn I guess.

KenPaul66 said...

Damn, that guys sounds like a piece of work ! Men sux sometimes (and not in a good way, honey) !


Ugh its so cut throat. I just think of how hard this is and then how stupid a lot of others look with men that dont treat them right.

Nik_TheGreek said...

I also do know where you are coming from. I think everybody's been through something similar. I can give you names (even addresses).

At least, you know that you are out there, trying and getting closer to getting what you want and deserve. It only has to happen once...
(god I sound so naive some times)