Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Signs He's Got A Big One

My gift to you single guys for the upcoming year is this posting. I researched and compiled material for this article for 3 months. When it comes to penis size there are two types of people out there: There are those that will admit that they like a big dick and there are those that lie about it. We’ve all heard that lame ass excuse for small penises over & over:

It ain’t what you got; it’s how you use it! (Well honey, you gotta have enough to use in the first place but there is a lot to be said for technique. I know some big-dicked tops that ain’t worth a damn in the sack and I know this cute little guy that can rock your world with his 4 inches)

I went over to my friends at the Large Penis Support Group (yes, there’s an actual support group for big-dicked men: I know, I know, don’t you just feel so sorry for those poor big-dicked men?) and asked them this question:

You’re single, you’re in a bar and you see a guy you like. How do you tell if he be packin’ ? I mean you could follow him to the bathroom and try to sneak a peak at his weenie when he goes to the urinal, but that’s kinda trashy, ya'll (you're a high class, god-fearing gal after all). What are the most reliable signs?

Here’s what they came back with:

*Thick thumbs (supposed to mean that you got a fat one)

*Big nose

*Lean, wiry build (I agree with this one)

*Big hands (I agree with this one)

*Big ears

*Thick neck

*Red-headed guys (I agree with this one, but I’m not down with red pubes)

*Long ring finger

*Full lower lip (huh? That’s just silly!)

*Sits with his legs open instead of crossed at the knee (I could see how that might to true)

*Big feet (ehhhh, I’ve been fooled by this one several times)

*Walks like he’s bowlegged even though he’s not (uhhhh, okay…)

*Square jaw (again, silly)

*Long forearms

*Wears baggy clothes ('cause he needs more room for his junk?)

*Large shoulders

*Tells "big one" jokes often but doesn't defend himself (I’ve found this to be true)

Personally, if I had to pick one physical trait that was the most accurate, I’d have to say that large hands are the surest bet that he’s got a big one. People will fool you though, I’ve known guys that don’t have any of these physical traits listed and they were fuckin’ HUGE. When I lived in DC, I knew a twink that was maybe 5’5” tall and very slight. One drunken summer evening at the same pool party, he took his Speedo off and OMG, his weenie hung past his knees and it was limp, I kid you not. It was a freakin’ 3rd leg! And on the flip side of the coin, I’ve known 6’8” guys that had size 17 feet, massive hands and were lucky to be packin’ 3 inches. You just never truly know what a guy has packed away in his underwear until he plops it out in your face.

Something to think about:

Russian scientist did a survey a few years ago and found that ON AVERAGE, you can determine dick length by taking the length of the foot, from the front of the big toe to the back of the heel, add 5cm or 2 inches, and divide the result by two (guys, do some math and let me know if this is accurate, ok).

A dick can be too big; I’m here to tell you. I know a hot guy in Atlanta that has a 10x7 schlong and has a very hard time finding someone that can “accommodate” him, orally or anally for very long. That would suck (and not in a good way) to want to have sex in the worse way, but people scream and run out of the room when you pull out the monster in your pants.

Okay guys, be good and don’t hate on your hung brothers, ok. Give’m a hug or a BJ or some butt if you’re feeling mighty generous.


.::.~*Dovie*Lee*~.::. said...


Mister GAG said...

What's not to look for?!? :p

Super cool post, man!

Mister GAG said...

P.S. The Atlanta guy should resort to "frot", unfairly called "dry humping".