I took a snow day today and called my boss at 7 a.m. to say they’d just have manage without me. This snow was sort of a surprise; it seldom snows so early in the season here. Most snows that amount to anything usually happen between January and mid-March in this part of North Carolina. Like most southerners, I can’t drive for shit in snow or ice. I made the mistake of deciding to go to the store for beer last night just after the snow stopped and soon found myself bargaining with God:
“Oh sweet Jesus, please forgive me for going out for beer on a night like this! Please, oh please! Shit, I’m sliding! Oh hell, I mean …heck (sorry, Jesus). Turn the steering wheel in the direction you’re sliding, right? That don't make any sense ! Oh shit, I knew I should have paid more attention in driver’s-ed, but that was eons ago… Oh fuck, here comes an 18-wheeler, sweet Jesus, I’m gonna die!”
Lesson learned:
Buy yo shit before the weather gets bad.
Snow days are wonderful. It’s like God just opened up the sky and handed you an extra day off and said ENJOY. Hmmm, what to do, what to do… Stranded at home until my road gets scraped & salted. Well guys, I did what any bored queen stranded at home so close to Christmas would do, I baked my Christmas cookies. All 8 dozens! I made those little green Christmas trees you shoot out of the cookie gun, I made standard peanut butter cookies, I baked shortbread and ended with my chocolate crackles (my fave). I did all this while watching a Betty Hutton movie. I swear, sometimes I’m so freakin’ gay I amaze myself…LOL.
Somebody asked me the other day what I wanted for Christmas. I had to really think about it for a while… What does Ken want for Christmas? Here’s what I came up with: I want the fates to blind someone to my multitude of flaws just long enough for them to see the person I want to be. Isn’t that what being loved is about, them being able to see past all the smoke and mirrors and being able to see you, the real you? I think I just might have met this person. I don’t want to talk about it too much yet and jinx myself, but keep a good thought for me, okay.
“Oh sweet Jesus, please forgive me for going out for beer on a night like this! Please, oh please! Shit, I’m sliding! Oh hell, I mean …heck (sorry, Jesus). Turn the steering wheel in the direction you’re sliding, right? That don't make any sense ! Oh shit, I knew I should have paid more attention in driver’s-ed, but that was eons ago… Oh fuck, here comes an 18-wheeler, sweet Jesus, I’m gonna die!”
Lesson learned:
Buy yo shit before the weather gets bad.
Snow days are wonderful. It’s like God just opened up the sky and handed you an extra day off and said ENJOY. Hmmm, what to do, what to do… Stranded at home until my road gets scraped & salted. Well guys, I did what any bored queen stranded at home so close to Christmas would do, I baked my Christmas cookies. All 8 dozens! I made those little green Christmas trees you shoot out of the cookie gun, I made standard peanut butter cookies, I baked shortbread and ended with my chocolate crackles (my fave). I did all this while watching a Betty Hutton movie. I swear, sometimes I’m so freakin’ gay I amaze myself…LOL.
Somebody asked me the other day what I wanted for Christmas. I had to really think about it for a while… What does Ken want for Christmas? Here’s what I came up with: I want the fates to blind someone to my multitude of flaws just long enough for them to see the person I want to be. Isn’t that what being loved is about, them being able to see past all the smoke and mirrors and being able to see you, the real you? I think I just might have met this person. I don’t want to talk about it too much yet and jinx myself, but keep a good thought for me, okay.
Ya’ll be good and Happy Holidays, ya hear! I’ll be back soon with my article on how to tell if a man has a big dick.
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