Wait, wasn't Turn Back The Clock an old Johnny Hates Jazz song from the late eighties?
This is part of an email to a friend up in Philly from about a month ago:
The question you asked me about regret gave me pause. I had to really stop and think it over. As I whole, I don't carry around regrets & what-if's . I really think it harms you more than it helps you. I believe everything that has happened (good or bad) in your life forms the person you are today.
But, if I had to pick:
*I regret not joining the Navy at age 18. I think it would have made a world of a difference in who I am and made me more masculine. I come from a military family.
*I regret that I didn't get to experience being a father. I love children and always wanted a family of my own. Even though I'm gay and the though of doing it with a woman makes me nauseous...LoL.
* I regret that I wasn't there for my brother when he died in 2005.
*And (of course), I regret that I was stupid and only spottily practiced safe sex therefore becoming infected with HIV.
Since that email was written, I've come up with another:
I regret that I wasn't more patient with Scott (my ex) and broke up with him in 1999. Scott, if you ever read this, I'm sorry that I was a jerk ! I just couldn't handle all the stress and constant money problems we were having. I never knew what utility was going to be turned off when I got home from work every night and that got really old. I wish I could have been more understanding through your period of unemployment, but I resented having to be the sole breadwinner. I know that I sorta “jumped ship” when it came to our relationship. I wish I'd been motivated at that time to stay with you and work things out, Scott. I did love you, just know that. Okay, enough talk about regrets...
I want to give a shout-out and a hug to my buddy, Geoff over at the fabulous blog, Life & Times Of A Gay Guy who just recently lost his brother to cancer. I also want to give a shout-out and hug to my buddy, Tomi in Helsinki who recently lost his father. I love you guys, let me know if I can do anything for you.
Ya'll, don't hold onto regrets, ok.