Sunday, March 28, 2010

If I Could Turn Back The Clock

Wait, wasn't Turn Back The Clock an old Johnny Hates Jazz song from the late eighties?

This is part of an email to a friend up in Philly from about a month ago:

The question you asked me about regret gave me pause. I had to really stop and think it over. As I whole, I don't carry around regrets & what-if's . I really think it harms you more than it helps you. I believe everything that has happened (good or bad) in your life forms the person you are today.

But, if I had to pick:

*I regret not joining the Navy at age 18. I think it would have made a world of a difference in who I am and made me more masculine. I come from a military family.

*I regret that I didn't get to experience being a father. I love children and always wanted a family of my own. Even though I'm gay and the though of doing it with a woman makes me nauseous...LoL.

* I regret that I wasn't there for my brother when he died in 2005.

*And (of course), I regret that I was stupid and only spottily practiced safe sex therefore becoming infected with HIV.

Since that email was written, I've come up with another:

I regret that I wasn't more patient with Scott (my ex) and broke up with him in 1999. Scott, if you ever read this, I'm sorry that I was a jerk ! I just couldn't handle all the stress and constant money problems we were having. I never knew what utility was going to be turned off when I got home from work every night and that got really old. I wish I could have been more understanding through your period of unemployment, but I resented having to be the sole breadwinner. I know that I sorta “jumped ship” when it came to our relationship. I wish I'd been motivated at that time to stay with you and work things out, Scott. I did love you, just know that. Okay, enough talk about regrets...

I want to give a shout-out and a hug to my buddy, Geoff over at the fabulous blog, Life & Times Of A Gay Guy who just recently lost his brother to cancer. I also want to give a shout-out and hug to my buddy, Tomi in Helsinki who recently lost his father. I love you guys, let me know if I can do anything for you.

Ya'll, don't hold onto regrets, ok.


ƉƟѴІΞLΞΞ © said...


So what do you think of the guys with blogs about all of their raw sex adventures and they never think they will contract HIV?

KenPaul66 said...

Thanks dear, you're so kind ! I think some of these bloggers who write about all their bareback sex adventures are living in a dangerous, fantasy world.