Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Simone Signoret and Old Lovers

I was watching the wonderful, old French film, Diabolique (aka Les Diaboliques) on TCM the other night and seeing all the trouble and havoc that love caused Simone Signoret and her co-star, Vera Clouzot made me remember an email I'd sent the week before. My friend Brian had shared some very personal things about his rather tormented love life and had in turn asked me about my romantic "history." I sighed because he wanted me to give him an honest answer. I told him I'd have to think about it for a day and email him my answer tomorrow. I was in a fun, peppy mood and I wasn't sure I was up to remembering certain things that day. Generally, I’m what one would call closed-mouth when it comes to my past lovers and partners. I think if you truly loved them at one time, you dishonor them by going around talking shit about them behind their back. Plus, it’s kinda tacky isn’t it, a guy that’s still running his mouth and whining about the end of some long-dead love affair, 10 years later? We all have a friend like that, don’t we? You wanna say, "For fuck's sake, Miss Thing, if he was that damn horrible, what in hell's name were you doing with him in the first place ?"

Here's the email:

Good Morning Sunshine,

I met my first lover, Dan on one of those 1-900-Hot-Sux-Dick type phone lines...LoL! Yes, I admit it. I had dated quite a few guys before him but nothing had really clicked. We made a date to meet at one of the local bars that night. Dan wasn't really my physical "type" at that time, a little too big (bearish) for me so I didn't fall in love at first site. But...we did become really good friends. One night, several months later, something shifted and changed. He had came over to my house to pick me up to go to the movies and for some reason, I decided to greet him at the door in nothing but an old pair of white boxers (I know, what a fuckin' whore, huh ?). As soon as he got over the shock, I wrapped my arms around him, kissed him deeply and the rest was history (for a while). He was the love of my life. We were together 5 years. He left me for a guy from work. I caught them together in the hot tub. I didn't take it very well. I kicked and screamed and I was very ugly. I could feel him slipping through my fingers and I didn't know what to do about it. Even now it's hard to think about that period, it was horrible. I thought I'd die because I couldn't truly imagine a life without Dan, but...

I met Scott 6 months later. I had just left a nightmare of a blind date that my roommate had arranged and decided to stop by this whole-in-the wall, redneck gay bar called the Brass Rail to unwind a bit before I headed home. I noticed a cute, very tanned, blue-eyed guy openly staring at me from across the room. I kept looking away or at my feet because he was a little too preppy & polished for my taste and to honest, he made me nervous. At that time, I liked my guys a little on the rough side (not so much now, though). I ordered a beer and slipped out onto the patio to get some air. The guy followed me and struck up a conversation with me. We both discovered that we were Depeche Mode fans and by the end of the night (after a few too many drinks), I was sitting in his lap and singing all the songs from the Behind The Wheel album with him. We were together for 6.5 years. I left Scott because he couldn't handle money, constantly got fired and was sleeping around on me.

I met David a year later and moved to Charleston, West Virginia to be with him (that took major LOVE, btw... LoL). David had come into a store I was working at in Charlotte and bought some jeans from me. We flirted a little and he asked me out that night. I was thrilled. David looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch model and was very much the nice, boy-next-door type (or so it seemed at the time). He traveled often for work and would always stop by and see me when he was in the Charlotte area. This went on for a year until he asked me to move to WV and live with him. It all went to hell then. You know how they always say that you don't know someone until you live with them? That was so,so,so the way it was with David. It seems David had a boyfriend in every town he traveled to for business. I found this out by accident when I borrowed his work laptop and found nude pictures and directions to the houses of many of the boys he'd been banging all up and down the east coast. We split up quickly. I was tired of all the fighting and David was very unapologetic about his behavior and had a "if you don't like it, leave" attitude at the time. Later I think, he regretted the way things turned out because for a while, he tried his damndest to get back together with me. We had lasted only 1.5 stormy years. I breathed such a sigh of relief when I drove out of those god-forsaken West Virginia mountains for the last time.Shortly after that I moved to Columbus, Ohio for a year (work-related) and then onto Washington, DC for 2 years.

This is a very, very simplified account of my romantic history. There are many details that I left out but there's enough here for you to get the gist of what I'm trying to impart to you. Do I regret any of these men ? No, I loved each one of them. They truly shaped me into the person I am today. Me and Dan are the best of friends now. In fact, he only lives several miles from with his new partner, Bobby. Me & Scott are Facebook friends and chat about the good old days from time to time. And David ?  I have no idea what's going on with him... He used to email me fairly often and ask me to meet him when he was in my area, but I'd always say I was busy that day or make up some other excuse. I think he's currently living in Raleigh, North Carolina.

So, get out you South Pacific soundtrack, turn it up and sing, I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair with Mitzi Gaynor and SMILE, damnit. It really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, ya'll. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that kind of bullshit...


Don't know who Simone Signoret is? Shame on you! You sure you're gay? Go to Netflix, add it to your queue and become wiser for it and don’t give me no lip about hating movies with subtitles either.

Ya’ll, être bon !


Mind Of Mine said...

Oh man.

I am totally Scott.

ÐƎΓΓΛ ƁƎΓΓƎ© said...



Nik_TheGreek said...

It's like a competition. Meet Dan, Scott and David. Who was the worse?
If I wrote a similar email, it would have a single, three lines, paragraph...

rod said...

I absolutely loved Diabolique. Thanks for yanking me out of my own mindset for a few minutes..