Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Jerk Top

We all know someone like him or know of him. I call him Jerk Top. You may be scratching your head right know and wondering what the hell I'm talking about. I'll elaborate if I may:

*Jerk Top is that guy that makes sure everyone he comes in contact with knows he’s a 100% die-hard top.

*Jerk Top will always tell you he’s never taken it up the ass. But I ask you, how does someone decide to “be” a top if they've never, ever been fucked?

* Jerk Top will often makes references to his big, huge, stupendously large cock. He'll often wear tight pants and no underwear so everyone can ogle and gawk at his man-bits.

* Jerk Top likes to talk about his sexual escapades and often brags about the bottoms he’s “spoilt” for other tops.

*Over cocktails, Jerk Top will often mock and do impressions of the bottoms he's deflowered recently for the crowd's amusement.

* Jerk Top's personal ads go something like this:

39, GWM, VGL, xhung, work-out 6 x week, total top seeks submissive bottoms for good times and pump-n-dumps. You must be between 18-25 and have a job. You should be extremely built and smooth (that includes butt too). Be cleaned-out and ready to hook-up when I contact you. If I don't answer your email/IM it means I'm not interested. DDF (as of May 30th, 2010). UB2 !!! Asians & Latinos to the front of the line. If you live more than 15 mins. from the Arlington Heights area, I'm not interested. I'm looking for now, not tomorrow or next week.

* Jerk Top's eyes never stop roving when he's talking to some "lucky" bottom at the bar. Even though he's standing in front of you talking and smiling, his eyes are scanning the room over your shoulder for a hotter, younger bottom to take back to his place.

* Jerk Top had been known to kick an embarrassed bottom out the door if he gets any poop on his precious cock. Jerk Top has grown so accustomed to thinking of a boy butt as  “pussy” that’s he’s completely forgotten about the original, God-intended purpose for the ass.

*Jerk Top will tell everyone he's a romantic and that he's looking for the "one" because he knows it sounds good and makes him seem like a nice guy, but in truth all the gooey, love shit makes him cringe inside. The jizz on the bottom's belly is barely cold before he's done with them and ready for someone new.

*Jerk Top will often get all teary-eyed when he's sitting around getting drunk with his buddies because he's sooooo alone and no one loves him and he can't figure out why...

* Jerk Top is on  all the hook-up dating sites: Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Daddyhunt, Big Muscle, Normal Gay, Match.Com, Gay Romeo, Manjam, Gay.com, Gcruise, Dudepost, Guystats, Qguys and Dudesnude.Com (of course). Everywhere you go, there he is, looking, looking, looking...


BosGuy said...

Too funny... sounds like you've run across of more than your share. Sadly, 'jerk' is a dominant gene I think.

Anonymous said...

I think most "jerk tops" will always take it up the ass for only that one special person.....like the one night stand that is currently doing them.

Demotheus said...

This post is SOOO true and they usually end up being total bottoms five years down the road.