Thursday, September 2, 2010

Rebecca Of Sunnybrook Farm Gets Some !


Why can’t I be comfortable with tricking around? I’m a decent-looking, fit, well-read, single man. Why shouldn’t I answer the call of nature? Why do I rush to take a shower after the act is over? Why do I put my pajamas on, pour myself a bowl of Captain Crunch and watch old episodes of the Flintstones on the Boomerang channel, subconsciously regressing to that innocent, little boy I was so many moons ago? Why ?

And no, before you all start telling me that I haven’t accepted being gay…that’s not it. I’m completely cool with being gay. Next you’ll tell me I have issues with sex. Nope, that’s not it at all. I love sex. I’d have it all the time if I could, it’s f-u-c-k-i-n-g beautiful.

The problem is, I have a problem with anonymous, no-strings-attached sex. I have a problem not associating sex-n-love together (I know, I know, I’m such a freakin' woman @ times). I feel dirty and guilty after having sex with someone just to get off, if I don’t love them.  To me, that kind of sex is a sin. You guys know how religious (Southern Baptist) I was raised… I’m neither proud nor ashamed of that fact; it just is what it is. When I’m in love with someone or at least dating them, I have no shame or guilty feelings about sex, I feel no desire to scrub my skin raw in the shower or the need to revert back to the innocence of my childhood.

I had sex this weekend for the first time in 6 months and it was delightfully filthy and but sweet at the same time. I nearly swooned when this guy actually kissed me and seemed to care about my pleasure as well as his own. Do you know how long it’s been since someone kissed me? Forever, ya’ll... forever.

Oh, I understand that a guy has his “needs” and those “needs” have to be acted upon sometimes or your explode or go crazy, but that doesn’t mean I like it. True, I feel bad about it, but not bad enough to kill myself or anything crazy like that, so don’t worry, I ain’t that fucked-up (some might argue that point).

Trickin’ leaves me feeling lonely afterwards. I want to climb back in bed with them, curl up and watch the Golden Girls together, but you know they just want you to GO. They had their fun and now it’s over (cue: The Party's Over).


Ya’ll be good and if you have someone you love, fuck'em for me, ok.

5 comments:

Sean said...

Yeah for you!

°º§DƏLLA§º° said...

you know I too do not approve of random sexual encounters either...but I will say this...AT THIS AGE AND AT THIS TIME IN YOUR LIFE, DO NOT DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNHAPPY AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ANYONE. THERE ARE PLENTY OF QUEENS OUT THERE READY TO MEET THE NEXT MAN'S NEEDS IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO. ALWAYS STAY TRUE TO UR FASHION AND LET THEM DO THEM.

C said...

What makes me feel lonely or bad after a trick is someone running away right away. So to that extent I'm with you--I too would rather have a bit of affection, conversation, and warmth after sex. But, if you rush to take a shower immediately after sex, that would make me feel almost as bad as leaving right away. (I understand ten minutes later, say, but not immediately...)

Art said...

Glad to hear you've had some intimacy! Especially the kissing part. I'm like you, if I go to a sauna, I always come back somehow feeling used and dirty and depressed. Even just a little bit of cuddling/talking makes all the difference to me. Course I do best with a regular partner, and that's best for me.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more. It's more "peaceful" when you know you have feelings for the other person. Well, sadly I made a pact to myself not to go for anonymous indiscriminate sex and sometimes its frustrating but for sure, its all worth the wait. Now, if I could only find that one. #wwvd