Nasty Feet

First of all let me say that my feet don’t stink, ya’ll! I swear it!

Three months ago I purchased a cool little pair of New Balance (see pic). They feel f-u-c-k-i-n-g fantastic on my feet and that’s important to me because I’m a runner. But…

One week after I’d purchased them something odd happened. I was sitting at my desk doing some work on the computer and found myself wrinkling up my nose every little bit because a foul order like spoiled cottage cheese kept hitting me. I thought maybe I’d left a dirty plate with some dried food on it somewhere. I check around. Nope. Nothing. Damn. Where was that horrible smell coming from? Finally, I followed it right to my own sweet little pair of New Balance that had cost me an arm and a leg. Holy shit that smell was coming from my shoes. WTF!

Let me say that I’m not one of those people that thinks their own shit doesn’t stink, but I swear I’ve never had a foot odor problem, ever! It has to be something about my own body chemistry that doesn’t mix so well with that particular material these shoes are made of that causes such an ungodly smell. None of my other shoes reek like that…

Damn you, New Balance! 

I’ve tried several deodorizing sprays and different powders but nothing has even put a dent in the insidious smell that comes out of those shoes. When I come home from wearing these shoes on a run or just even out and about doing errands, I have to wash my feet after I take the shoes off or I’ll stink the whole place up.

I guess I’d forgotten I had the shoes on the other day when I decided to pop over to my friend, Darren’s house. We ate some KFC for lunch and then plopped down on the couch to watch Jeepers Creeper on DVD. Sometime during the course of the movie, I must have unconsciously niggled my way out of one of the shoes. Darren started wrinkling his nose, fanning his face and wondered aloud what that-da-fuck that awful odor was. It was then that I noticed what shoes I was wearing and that one was completely off. Ohhh shit ! I hurriedly slipped it back on when he got up to check to see if his cat had been sick on the rug, hollered that I’d see him later and quickly left before he could figure out it was my nasty feet and not his sickly cat.

Close call! Damn you again, New Balance!

Please tell me that I’m not the only one this has ever happened to.