Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Dateless Valentine

I thought I’d get personal today and talk about some things going on in my life. As readers of my blog know from several posts back, I spoke about having a long-distance love affair with a man I’d met online (from a very naughty website, I might add...). I can feel myself backing away from him mentally now because I can tell it’s not working out. I love the guy and I think we’d be great as a couple if we lived near each other but he lives in Orlando and I live in BFE, North Carolina. Long-distance is very hard and both parties have to be completely committed to making it work or it will just fall apart, it’s the simply. It’s hard to be a couple when you’re not physically together. As I said, I love the guy and I’ve tried to make it work but I don’t feel like my efforts are returned or appreciated.

The problems are thus :

He’s okay with only talking to me on the phone maybe twice a week at the most (I want to talk on the phone once a day at least if I love someone). Not only that, I often don’t get texts, emails or online messages for up to three days.

When we do talk on the phone, he barely says anything and often plays video games doing our conversation, loudly watches TV (and talks back to the screen) or talks to his roommate in the background. After 15 minutes of struggling to talk to him, I’m usually exhausted and end the call. I make excuses for him in my mind: maybe he’s shy, maybe he’s just not a big talker, maybe he doesn’t want to bore me with the details of his day-to-day life, maybe he’s just got bad manners and wasn’t raised right, maybe he’s in awe of my beauty and struck dumb… (J/K)

Me: “Hey, babe! How are you?”

Him: “Okay.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Him: “Nothing.”

zzz cricket chirps zzz 

Me: "Did you miss me ?" (trying to be funny).

Him: "What ?"

On Monday, I mailed off his Valentines present as my last ditch effort to jog something in his brain and make him realize he needs to step up his game or he’s going to lose me. We’ll see… But, I have a pretty good feeling I won’t be finding a heart-shaped box of candy in my mailbox anytime soon. I’ve forced myself to quit calling him and texting him. I think he's beginning to realize something is wrong because he texted me this morning at 7:30 am. I nearly fainted and hit my head in the shower when I heard my phone ding, I kid you not

Shit, I’m a big boy and I ain’t ashamed to drag my fat ass up to Walgreens the day after Valentines and buy my own heart-shaped box of candy (and at 50% off ! Woohoo! What? I’m a broke ‘ho, shut up).

Ya’ll be good and if you’ve got a good man (or woman), fuck’ em real good in my honor, okay (at least somebody's getting some stanky) !



Well baby you always have us here. We will be here when you are 89 blogging about your man troubles..the ups and the downs..

have you ever considered relocating to a new city...ala where I am in NC or maybe closer into charolotte? Shoot some times a change of scenery really does the trick.

Art said...

You're right, long-distance relationships can be tough. And, one does start to wonder whether it is worthwhile. It take both parties, though, to make the effort. I've been in a a 2 1/2 year long-distance relationship now - but I see him for 2 weeks at Xmas, and 5-6 weeks in the summertime. Also skyping for 30 minutes every morning and often in the evening as well. Still, I know he is not moving here, and I am not moving there - different countries/careers, etc. So, we don't know where this will take us, but enjoying it while it happens, but also not commiting beyond this, either.
Best of luck

Mandel69 said...

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at your situation. My life these past 2 1/2 months have paralleled yours.
The only difference is we dated 10 yrs ago, them again three years later. Both times I was dumped (he's 9yrs younger and was not out or ready). Now, he wants to get back together after 7yrs apart, as he has sown his oats(countless)and no one came close to me, yada, yada, yada.
Since I never stopped loving him, I took him back. We are 1300 miles distant and have not seen each other yet. I want to move back home and be near him, yet he does just what your guy does. It is literally so silent on his end that I have to make sure he hasn't fallen asleep. He calls everyday, but waits until his bedtime of one AM to about 3:45 AM to call me. Why I wonder when he does not like to talk and starts crashing as soon as I start talking . Also, I sent his Valentine's gifts and card last Monday too. I made him 10 mix cds of his favorite music, plus bought him an itunes and emusic subscription. Here it is Monday morning and no word on anything in return. My friends say I am too good to him and that this was fates way of giving me the chance to hurt him. That is not the way to become a better person.
Just like you, I am biding my time in case I have to let him go.
So far, I feel like I am feeding his ego, while he's being a psychic vampire draining me dry.

Anonymous said...

Just like you, I've had the same experience, except for the fact that I'm quite down the Equator.
I remember reading an article that says that not being corresponded the same "way" by the partner shows that it can be a relationship that wouldn't last long... My partner always said he was cold, that was true, I just didn't want to accept it...