Lesson learned: Don’t listen to gay audio books on your IPOD if you’re out in public. You may have heard me allude to the fact that I’m a runner and usually go to the local track everyday before work. I also usually put my headphones on and listen to audio books while I run. Well, the other day I was getting my run on and listening to a new gay audio book that I’d just downloaded from Audible when things got embarrassing. I got wood, right there in front of all those constipated senior citizens and perky-ponytail-wearing-minivan mothers powerwalking their Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruities off.
So, there I was running, minding my own business when the audio book suddenly turned uber steamy and well…
Not that I’m saying I’ve got such a massive wiener that it was THAT obvious. But hell, I could see it and I felt like everybody else could too.
I pulled my t-shirt down as far as it would go to cover my crotch but it wasn’t really long enough to do much good. I was sure I heard giggles and saw people speed dialing 911 to report the pervert running around the park with a grin on his face and a tent in his pants. I even tried thinking about dead kittens, poopy diapers and other horrible things, anything to make it go down. But no, nothing worked. So, I poured on the all the steam I could muster and ran really fast to my car. When I got in and buckled up, I noticed that my erection had finally gone down. Damn. Sometime being a man sucks.
A question for all my (genetic) lady readers out there: do you guys have this problem too ? Do you ever get turned on out in public and experience erect nipples ? If so, what do you do in that case ? Band-aids or say to yourself, Aww, fuck it, let the bastards look and don’t worry about it ?
Bye, ya’ll be good and put some underwear on for God’s sake !