Monday, July 25, 2011

Age Is Just A NUMBer

I’m an honest person but I have been known to lie about my age.

What I’m tired of is people under 40 or people that are already “attached” (and out of the dating scene) telling me that:

*Age is just a number

*Be out & proud about my age. Shout it from the rooftops.

*I should have a “fuck-you” attitude toward ageism.

I was born in 1966 but I often list my birthday as 1974. I’m actually 45 and not the 37 I claim to be. At 45, I’m dead in gay years. It's sad because I still feel so alive.

Gay is young and gay is fabulous. Gay is not 45. Other 45-year-old gay men aren’t interested in you. They want young, fresh, hairless, easygoing boys with killer abs and large erections that never deflate.

  They Don't Want:

*guys that have to trim their nose hair once a week
*guys that constantly contemplate getting Botox
*guys that would slap your face if you even suggested fisting
*guys that get severe cramps in their legs when they throw them to Jesus

I have to laugh when my twink friends tell me I should be ashamed of myself for fudging about my age. All I can say to that is Get back to me on that when you turn 40 and we’ll discuss the subject again.”

It's like when you try to give parenting advice to your straight friends. They just look at you, roll their eyes and and let it go in one ear and out the other. You know what's coming next, right ? Usually some variation of the this statement,  "When you have kids of your own, then you can give me advice...until then, shut it!"

And what’s equally bad is when my older (over 40) friends that are in long-term relationships say stuff like, It ain’t that bad, stop being such a drama-queen, Ken!

If they were to break-up with their long-term partners and suddenly go back out on the dating market at their age, they’d be in for a rude awakening. I wonder if they would handle the rampant ageism in the gay community without becoming bitter and jaded? 

Folks (and you can quote me on this one), there’s absolutely nothing worse than an old, jaded, bitter queen!  

*Note to hot, young twinks:

Next time you walk into a gay bar and feel all eyes turn to you (admiring and undressing you), just know that there's an old, bitter queen somewhere in the corner hating you (because once upon time those lusty glances fell on HIS body) and industriously mapping out a plan on how he can run over your sweet-little-ass in the parking lot and get away with it. I'm just saying...

If I ever feel like I'm turning into an crabby old gay man, I'm going to go adopt 6 cats from the animal shelter, dye my hair pink and open a beauty shop called Kenny's Kut-N-Kurl. You heard it here first.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the gay community and I do have faith in it. I’m truly ever optimistic that I’ll find a guy that’ll appreciate me for the funny, nice guy I am and who wouldn’t give a damn about that glaring 1966 that stares back at me from my driver’s license.

Ya'll be good and set one of your older, single friends up, okay. Don't make me come over there.


Mimi said...

But Ken, what are you going to do when you fall for someone who thinks you are 37? Come clean when it's safe to say ? Ist this just your way of reeling them in but you have other methods of keeping them? Truth be told, I don't know what it's like for you, but something tells me your soulmate isnt going to be hung up on your age. But if it gives you an ego boost, go ahead and tell them 37 :)

Adventures In Gay Dating said...

You bring up a very good point, Mimi. My logic is flawed but I'm hoping by the time they figure out I've fudged about my age, they'll be so enamored of me that they won't care...

Anonymous said...

Try being mre than 50!

Jude Mason said...

Hi Ken,

This is my first time on your blog and I found this post really interesting and heartbreaking.

Being female and over 50, (Gawd that's hard to say/type) I can completely identify with you. And that's sad, for both of us. We've got years of experience and passion enough for ten young studs. Yet, men, and many women, look at us like we're used up. What the Hell!

I really hope you find that someone special. And, I hope he doesn't give a toss how old or young you are right from the get go.


Kristina Knight said...

I should my age from the rooftops of online dating and I still get the damn 20-somethings up in my business. If they knew how to fuck, it wouldn't be so irritating.