Monday, August 15, 2011

Fart Date

So, you meet this cute guy and he asks you out.

You’re excited and go out and buy a sexy, new outfit for the big day.

He picks you up in his flashy, sex-mobile promptly at 6pm.

You’re happy to see him but a little dismayed that he’s blasting Celine Dion.

He takes you to a Mexican restaurant for dinner… 

But you guys have a good time anyhow and get friendly on the way out. 

After leaving the restaurant he discovers that he's left his iphone on the table and you offer to run back inside to fetch it. 

When you get back in the car he has a very sheepish look on his face. 

And then you realize why… 

Your handsome, sexy date has just cut a fart so bad and so thick that an animator from Disney would draw a green, noxious cloud surrounding the car and with little, squiggly stink lines radiating from his ass.

You try not to gag but what do you do ?

  1. Do you act like nothings wrong and nonchalantly roll your window down (even though it’s 18 degrees) ?
  2. Do you ask him if he needs to go back inside and visit the gents ?
  3. Do you laugh, fart very loudly yourself and say, “Damn, I’m glad I’m not the only one that always gets gas after eating at Mexican restaurants !
  4. Do you turn to him with a dramatic sigh and say, “Well, I guess you won’t be bottoming for me tonight…”
  5. Do you say, “Poor baby”, pat his arm sympathetically and offer him a Tums ?
  6. Do you make a fanning motion in front of your face and say, "Remind me never to go out for Indian with you, El Stinko !"

Yes, folks, this was based on a real date I had. I ending up doing E .
Ya’ll be good, I luv ya. Watch those beans on first dates !

*Note - actually El Stinko was the Mexican restaurant's mascot.


the eye said...

See for me it would really depend on how hot he is. My acceptability of the situation would depend on that. Lol. Hey everybody cuts one from time to time. But u should always avoid the Mexican food when on a hot date or it could become a hot mess!

SteveA said...

too funny!

Mimi said...

Definitely E

Ellis Carrington said...

I always end up reading these late, but holy crap that was hilarious. You picked D, right? Please tell me you said D...

Steve said...

Production of methane in the alimentary tract is part of Nature. And, yes, if you're not used to eating beans every day, they are going to produce more gas further down in the tract than if you system is used to digesting them routinely.

When that gas gets produced, it's gotta go somewhere. You can get stomach gas out by burping, but gas that forms in the intestines can't easy got "north." It will come out of his anus, whether he wants it to or not. And when it does, it's going to smell.

It's his turn now; you'll probably be next. When he lets loose, just stand upwind and let the fragrance dissipate. And give thanks that it wasn't YOU smelling up HIS car.