I hate it when people “force” me to reveal something about myself I’m not ready to share.
Jeff, a local guy, continually emails me and wants to know why I won’t go out with him since we have so much in common. I usually just ignore his emails and go on my way. But this morning, his email seemed particularly pleading and that in turn started making me feel guilty, so I called him and told him the truth:
Jeff: “What’s wrong with me? Why won’t you go out with me?”
Me: “If you’ll remember back about a year ago, we first exchanged emails and even talked on the phone three times. Two of those times, you were drunk. That one time it was only 9 a.m. and you confided in me that you were having beer for your breakfast, remember?”
Jeff: “(laughing) Yeah, I remember that!”
Me: “I’m a recovering alcoholic and I’m not at the point where I can hang around people that drink… and not be bothered…I hope you can understand that.”
Jeff: “Really? You couldn’t have been that bad.”
Me: “Oh, I was…really bad.”
Jeff soon wanted to get off the phone but not before extending an invitation to come over and “get-fucked-real-good”.
He promised to put the booze away too!
(girlish squeal) And they say chivalry is dead!
Whatever.
This has got to thinking about my amending my “type”.
Btw…
I hate it when people ask me what my type is. I absolutely never know what to say when asked.
“What kind of guys do you like, Ken ?”
Me- “Uhhhh…cute ?”
or
Me- “You know, nice.”
or
Me- “Well, he has to be gay, first of all...”
I guess now I should say, “A nice, gay non-drinker that’s cute and oh yeah, a non-smoker too.”
I know, I know…
When I was drinking, I couldn’t stand being around people that got all preachy about drinking and smoking.
When I went into AA, I had to stop smoking because it was tied in so closely with my drinking. I was one of those people that might smoke one cigarette a day when they’re sober but could easily smoke an entire pack during happy hour if they go out with friends.
When you’re in recovery, you can’t really be around people that are doing things that unhealthy for you and your disease.
I mean, I wouldn’t refuse to date a guy that had a glass of wine or two at dinner sometimes, but I probably would not ever date a smoker again, simply because I hate the smell now and I’d be very tempted to pick it up again.
Addiction is chronic.
You learn to live with it and control it but never truly goes away.
3 comments:
I don;t think it is preachy at all to not want to date someone who does not drink and smoke. I am all for the legalization of pot, but would never date a pot smoker. I do not have any desire to date a smoker either, because I hate the smell. And I do drink, despite living with an alcoholic, but that is because he gets more offended when people will not drink around him. Saying that, I would not drink around him if it did bother him, and I do not think that would make him preachy. I would not eat a peanutbutter sandwich across the table from someone allergic to peanuts. As I can see it alcoholism is like an allergy, only as C puts it he breaks out in handcuffs and hospital beds.
If the guy is having 'beer for breakfast', sounds like he may be a tad bit closer to alcoholism than he thinks. Of course, you could have not told him about the drinking thing and just said your 'signs' weren't compatible or some bullshit.
I agree that it's not "preachy" in the least to want someone who doesn't smoke or drink. Sending applause and a big hug your way for controlling your addiction!
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