Scat

 

I know, I know... right now you’re going, 'Ewwwww, I can’t believe he’s going to go there! How gauche.'

And before you get all worked up - chillax. I’m not here to gross you out.

But...you know what I think is really funny ? How gay guys will go out of their way to point out that they’re not into scat in their personal ads.

Example:

35, gwm,170/6'2", 7.5 uncut (w/big fat mushroom head) looking for love, laughs and a little fun along the way. I like a good Chinese buffet, walks in the moonlight, Lady GaGa and liberfraumilch. I’m told I’m good-looking and good in bed (haha). Total top here and open-minded. D&D free. UB2 ! Not into scat !

Do guys really think that being into scat is such a common fetish that somebody might just automatically assume that they’re into it ? I mean, come da fuck on...

I’m not sure how I first heard of scat but I remember laughing and amazingly thinking it must be some sort of a huge Karmic joke.

“Really ? Poop?” No way! Ewww.”

I still thought everyone was pulling my leg so I went onto the internet and searched and searched for photographic proof of this act. Finally I found a site that catered to extreme fetishes (no easy task in 1997) and warily clicked on a link to a scat photo. I’m pretty damn squeamish, so I was only able to look at the photo for about three seconds before I started dry heaving and gagging.

I’ve been around the block a few times and I've known quite a few whores (male & female) in my life and let me say, I’ve only met two people that's ever admitted to trying scat.

It was when I was sitting around one night with a friend and having one of those 'what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done ?' conversations after way too many cocktails when he turned to me and admitted to pooping on a trick’s chest one night.

“But...but...why?” I questioned.

“He asked.”

“Ohhhh.” 

The second person was a drag queen I knew in Huntington, West Virginia that turned tricks on the side. Linda Revlon plainly got a kick of telling her friends about a client that paid quite well for a “hot plate” every other weekend while she was dressed in full drag. A hot plate is when someone lies underneath a glass coffee table and looks up through the glass (and usually pleasures themselves as well) while the other person poops on top of the table, either by standing directly on the table or squatting over it.

“But..But...why ?” I questioned again.

“Why not, indeed?  $250.00 for taking a shit...something everybody has to do anyhow, let me remind you. Why not get paid for it?”

“Ohhhh.”

Sometimes I'm just dense.