August 17, 2011
Yesterday's doctor visit didn't go that well. It was just a routine "touch base" to go over the results of my latest lab work.
My cd4 (white blood cells) were down and I went from a undetectable reading (strength of the HIV virus in my blood) to a 150. Ugggh.
I've been complaining to Wes (my HIV doctor) about my extreme fatigue for some time now and he was checking my blood to see if perhaps my testosterone was low (common in HIV + men my age) to see if that was the reason I was so tried all the time but no, testosterone was normal in the lab work. I almost wish it hadn't been so I'd have some sort of answer to this fatigue I have all the time, ya know.
Wes says I just have it face the fact that I have full-blown AIDS and that's the reason I'm so tired and listless.
One of the worse things about AIDS is what it does to your mental imagine of yourself. You know you're "sick" and so, you begin to see your body are sickly and unattractive (a real kicker in the self-esteem department) and that in turn makes you feel worse. Vicious-fuckin'-cycle !