Saturday, March 19, 2011

Fatties With Hotties ?

WTF?


So... every time you go out to one of the local gay bars, beach or park you see this same one guy that always has hot guys hanging all over him.

So what?

I’ll tell you so what…

He’s unattractive, very fat and wears a really bad toupee that looks like he just pulled it out of a dumpster. He also wears extremely out-of-date, wino clothing. What-da-fuck-what-da-fuck constantly rolls through you head every time you see this. You’re a decent-looking guy, you work out, you have a decent job and you dress nice. YOU can’t even get guys like that! What’s gives? What’s fatty got that you lack?


Let’s see…

  1. Never, ever discount the gift of gab. Knowing how to talk and bullshit will get you a long way in this world. Believe it or not, quite a few of those hotties you see out are actually very socially shy and inept. So, being around a big talker is preferable whether they’re attractive or not. For a brief period, I dated this smokin’ hot Greek guy that never talked (except during sex, then he wouldn’t shut the fuck up). I stopped going out with him because I got so got-dang tired of always trying to get him to open up and TALK to me.
  2. They make it abundantly clear that they’re easy. In a nutshell, guys are lazy creatures in general. They want sex but they don’t always want to work for it. Ideally, you could put yourself out there into the dating market in hopes of meeting your equal, but that’s work, risk. Oror…you could save yourself the threat of rejection or being shot down in public by busting a nut with this rather unattractive man that’s made it graphically clear that he wants to suck your cock in the worse way (he even hinted around about a rim-job too). No demands, no fuss, no muss, no nothing. He’ll be all but forgotten by the time the Purell dries on your hands afterwards. Easy.
  3. They’re persistent. They don’t take the initial “no” they receive for an answer from their object of desire to heart. Our pride would take a hit and we’d feel the need to slip away to a dark corner to lick our wounds for a moment and regroup. But not these guys, they’re hardcore-in-lust. They stop back by periodically throughout the evening to lavishly shower you with attention, compliments and offers of free drinks and drugs. They crack corny jokes and make very personal comments about how nice your ass, package or pecs look. At last call, they WATCH you nervously glancing around at the other bar patrons, looking horny and a bit lonely. Chuckling under his breath, he heads over to the bar to swoop you up and save the day. Sure, he’s not your type at all, but hell, it’s closing time and you don’t want to be alone. He drives you back to your apartment in his ’82 Ford Fairmont and you don’t even care that he’s 5”1” tall and weighs 290 lbs (that how got-dang drunk you are). A good, sloppy BJ just might hit the spot plus he said he had some killer weed.

Just in case you ever wondered about such…

Damn. Do I have to explain everything?

Be Good.

6 comments:

*BURN MY CANDLE* said...

luv luv u!!! :)

*BURN MY CANDLE* said...

luv luv u!!! :)

Adventures In Gay Dating said...

I luv u 2, dontcha know !

clanceyk said...

sometimes better then a skinny twink who thinks he is all that!

Mind Of Mine said...

Sometimes it ain't about looks...

Clique Seattle said...

Your "Bar Life" tales are awesome and soooo true... I've been sharing your site with many friends. You should write a book. Love ya!