Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Paula Deen Done Messed Wit Me,Ya'll !

Email To Paula Deen:

I have a question and a complaint about the recipe for the Upside Down Apple-Praline Cake on the cover of Paula Deen's Holiday Baking issue. I decided to make this cake for my 70-year-old mother's birthday because it looked and sounded delicious and I try to make my mother's birthdays special for her since she's getting older. The cake part of the recipe turned out really well. But, don't you think it would benefit the cake to peel the apples first? The recipe did not specify that the apples were to be peeled, so I did not.

The main problem with this recipe is the caramel moose you instructed us to whip up to frost the cake. I followed the recipe word for word and used all the exact measurements and ingredients. The moose/frosting turned out to be a nasty clotted mess that resembled cottage cheese, Paula. Are you sure it wasn't supposed to have more confectioners’ sugar in it? 1/4 cup hardly seems like enough. I really wanted this cake to turn out right, so I went back to the grocery store and purchased more ingredients to make the moose/frosting all over again (heavy cream ain't cheap, btw...). I’ve been baking and cooking for over 25 years and know my way around a kitchen pretty well but I didn't trust myself to make it again in case it was me that messed it up. So I got on the cell and called my 75 year old aunt Doris (I know, I'm a mean bitch, but hell she needs to get out of the house more often) to come over make it for me since she's been cooking since the dinosaurs roamed the earth. Guess what, it turned out exactly the same. Paula! A big, gloppy mess!

So, by the time it was 10 p.m. and I was sick to death of dealing with this uncooperative cake and headed back to the grocery store one final time to purchase some Betty Crocker frosting in a can (you don't really think I was going to whip up some homemade buttercreme after all this?). I frosted the cake, garnished it with the pecans and then dribbled the caramel ice cream topping all over it just like you said, Paula. It turned out pretty decent in the end but please tell be what I did wrong or what you guys left out of this recipe, come on...admit it. It was supposed to have more confectioners’ sugar, right? I mean, all the frosting I've ever made has way more sugar in it.

I'm just giving you a hard time, I'm not really mad. I'm just curious as to what went wrong.


I really did just send this email out to Paula Deen, ya'll. I mean, come on... here in the South we worship big, buxom women that shove three sticks of butter into everything they cook. So I was especially disappointed that this recipe tanked (and that I spent my whole day off from work making it. Paula, you owe me, woman !).

P.S. Have you guys seen the episode of her show where she makes deep-fried butter? I missed it, but my friends swear she really did deep-fry butter on live TV. OMG. Ya'll be good and be careful if you bake a cake ! Listen to song:

10/16-Still have not heard back from Miss Paula.