Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sunday Sad


I’m going to be real, ya’ll. No witty banter, just the truth today. I’m depressed big time. How I came to realize this:

Today around noon after running some errands, I decided to stop by the Sonic drive in and get something to eat. No, I don’t really like the food (it kinda sucks to be honest) but you know how it is, I’m a lazy bitch and I enjoy having some little teenager on skates bringing me a burger (or 2). Anyway I’m sitting there in my little Mazda, listening to my I-pod and chomping on a (crummy) chicken sandwich when I start bawling because I see this handsome man sitting at a picnic table all alone and getting his chow on. Why am I crying? I don’t know. I guess it just struck me how alone I am in the world and why can’t I have a nice, normal man (like this guy at the picnic table) in my life to love and be with? I want to rush to his picnic table, smack the footlong hotdog from his grip and kiss him deeply and beg him to be my man and hold me tight all through the coming winter. But I just sit there and cry.


Ya’ll know I go out on dates-n-stuff pretty often, but let me say, that’s where it ends. People may find this hard to believe but, I HAVE NOT HAD SEX SINCE FEB.2007. By that, I mean all-the way real sex, like being fucked. I tried sucking this guy’s dick last year that had taken me out for a really expensive meal in Charlotte, but honey, once I got down there and started sucking, the smell coming from his nearby asshole nearly gagged me (end of date came quick). Believe it or not, poopy-butt still im’s me and wants to hook up, I kid you not. So, guys wash yo ass if you think you’re going to get some, okay? Anyway, what I’m getting at is, I’m incredibly sexually frustrated. When you aren’t getting any, it’s all you think about. Don’t tell me that I should jack off or something, trust me, jacking off doesn’t do the trick… And please don’t say shit like, I can’t believe a nice looking guy like you has a hard time finding someone to fuck him. First of all, I’m picky, I won’t fuck just any old thing because I’m horny (I’d just as soon wack it, ya know) and second, I’m HIV + and that drastically cuts down on the men that might be interested in you.

Anyway, I’m just real sad tonight. Sometimes I have to wonder why God is so angry with me to curse me with this life of tears and aloneness. I pray and pray but nothing changes. I’m still all alone when the lights go out. Ya'll be good. Hope you went to church and put a dollar in the plate for me.

7 comments:

Nik_TheGreek said...

I'm truly sorry to hear about how you feel.
You should know however that everybody's going through at some point some 'dry' seasons that might last long (longer than expected). I believe that it's normal and it will pass. It’s definitely not bad being picky about your sex partners.

However, since you're feeling so sad, have you considered talking to someone? Some professional help could do wonders and calm you down. I don't know if you already are.

.::STELLA*DELLA::. said...

Maybe some form of change is trying to usher its way into your life and it is up to you to figure it out. It is trying to say something. I didnt know you were HIV+ but nonetheless it may be doing you a favor by eliminating the most immature ones that cannot understand what you are.


Hiv should not define you as a person and if they cannot see that, then they dont deserve you.

KenPaul66 said...

Thanks, ya'll. Your comments have helped clear my mind.

Nik_TheGreek said...

So Ken, feeling better today?

DRAMA DUPREE said...

OMG... IS SUNDAY THE DAY FOR SADNESS. I FEEL THE SAME WAY. LIKE I AM SO ALONE AND NO ONE LOVES ME. SOME DAYS I GO WITHOUT TALKING TO PEOPLE FOR DAYS SIMPLY BECAUSE NO ONE CALLS ME. AND DONT I DESERVE TO BE LOVED?

I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON. LIKE THEY SAY (THOSE HAPPY BITCHES) TROUBLE DONT LAST ALWAYS AND I AM SURE U ARE LOVED. JUST TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO CALL YOU MORE OFTEN.

Wonder Man said...

we are thinking of you

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way too sometimes. I am ethnically Indian and nice looking but have had prolonged dry spells because it's difficult to find a man who wants me. But I am now very happy after meeting my boyfriend and we are planning to get married next year.