It Must Be Something In The Water

Yesterday I glanced up from the customer service desk to see an older, 60-ish couple advancing on me. The man would stop at the end of each aisle and scream, “Mussolini! Mussolini!” Now, I’ve worked in retail for a long time, folks and I’ve pretty much seen it all. So, I just thought to myself, ‘Tourette's perhaps?’ You know how people with Tourette's will often have a key word that they say/scream when they have a fit? I just thought this man’s word was Mussolini, until…

A boy of about nine walked from one of the aisles and said, “Whatta ya want, PaPaw ?”

Holy-Fucking-Shit! This little boy’s name was actually Mussolini (can you imagine?) and the old man didn’t have Tourette's. Wow. I was dying to ask them if they had a grandson named Hitler too, but I kept that part to myself.

The couple finally reached me with Mussolini in tow and arranged for me to ship some books to Mussolini’s father in jail. MaMaw had a handwritten list of books that “Big” Mussolini wanted sent to him. I didn’t say a thing as I pulled the books for her from our True Crime section. Books with titles like: Lust For Murder and Blood Bath In Bloomington. I knew that once these books arrived at the jailhouse and they took one look at the titles, they probably wouldn’t give them to him. Books about true crime, murder, gangs and jail break really isn’t something a person in custody should be reading because it might incite them to further evil deeds (is their way of thinking). I asked MaMaw if she was sure she wanted to ship these books to the jailhouse and she snapped at me about how she would have rather been waited on by Garrett (a long-fired, hippie ex-coworker) because he just did as she asked and didn’t get in her business.

I thought, ‘Fine you old bitch, I was just trying to save you postage and time because these books sure-as-hell will never reach your son, but whatever…’

I just smiled politely and bid them adieu as they left fussin’ and a-cussin’ with little Mussolini dragging behind them. Then I started wondering what “Big” Mussolini was in for.